Monday, 11 August 2014

Species Twiducatus Edchatnz (No Birds Were Harmed in the Making Of This)

Twiducatus Edchatnz


Twitter birds come in all shapes and sizes and many coats, but like a combination of black and bright colours. The female is usually identified by its avatar; she normally takes selfies from above in order to minimise chin flesh.  The male usually takes selfies from below in order to maximise height and may well wear a hat to disguise early loss of feathers.

Also distinguishable by having a small coloured, backlit device appendages attached to hands and heads down; a risky business for this species, as it may walk into things.

Spectacled Twiducatus


Enjoys flocking in brightly coloured Modern Learning Environments, with coloured bean bags, stools and various multi-level furniture items.  If these are unavailable, is not adverse to meeting on virtual cloud spaces and can swim in fast-moving streams.

Favoured habitat of Twiducatus

Feeding Habits:

Feeds by diving in and out of streams where it follows other Twitter birds and consumes their links. Works cooperatively however, by ensuring stream is freshly supplied with new links.

Also found in cafes where eating procedure involves firstly tweeting photos of coffee froth and beautifully styled cake arrangements, in order to impress other twitter birds with success as a hunter and collector of delicious foodstuffs.

Noisy flock of Twiducatus feeding in early morning light.

Reproductive habit:

The twitter bird begins as an unhatched egg which is nurtured by more mature Twitter birds.  They help it to develop feathers and a suitable profile without which it will not survive; survival is dependent on being followed and following other Twitter birds.

Young of Twiducatus

The Twitter bird then goes through several stages before it is fully mature:

At the curious stage, the new Twitter bird is affectionately tagged as a "lurker" and is allowed to watch more mature members of the species feeding and resupplying the stream.  The most mature members of the species who are successful stream divers, are also affectionately tagged as "queen".


In flocks will hug and shriek.  Ordinarily it communicates with shortened text forms and hashtags. It cannot utter anything with more than 140 characters to ensure that communication is quick and that all members of the flock can utter a tweet in the chorus.

Committee Chorus

How to catch a Twitter bird:

Twitter birds are attracted by uttering abbreviations and by giving them brightly coloured and shiny tools.  GAFE, UDL and MLE are current favourites as are LCD screens especially if accompanied by smart phones. 3D printers, ipads and Chromebooks are equally successful in capturing their attention.

Global Flock Numbers - Is It At Risk?

Twitter bird numbers, especially the subspecies Twiducatus, which we have highlighted here, are currently undergoing a rapid expansion in numbers.  There is a possibility that similar species such as Snapshoticus, Instagraminfinitum and Facebookaddictus might subsume the species, but there is no indication of that at present as the Twiducatus is enjoying global growth; it can feed at any time of day or night and in any geographical area or climate, as long as wifi is present in the atmosphere.

Odd birds are all accepted by the flock, ensuring that the flock maintains variety and a wide range of ideas. 


  1. Anne-Marie, That is MAGICAL! What a witty, (or should that be 'twitty' post). Love it! Absolutely loved catching up with you and all the Twiducatus!!!!!

  2. Very clever. I hope you are going to pay the person who came up with the idea some royalty.

    1. Ha ha! The idea came to me when I was writing the previous post on "Flying with Your Flock," in which I extend the metaphor. I decided to have a go at the profile; I'm sure lots of people have thought similar with "Twitter" as the name of this medium!

  3. This is fantastic!!!! Thank you!

  4. Love it. Inspired writing. Thanks

  5. I read this post at the hairdresser's today and snorted my coffee up my nose I was laughing so much. Not a good look.

    Very funny.

    1. That sounds painful! Nice to hear that you are preening your feathers! He he!

  6. You are a very talented clever wordsmith Mrs Hyde of Attenboroughic proportions! Had a smile on my face the whole time reading the full bio of this species and cracked up with your photo captions too! Simply brilliant ☆

  7. This is hilarious. I love it! Tweeting it now. This should be the first post any new Tweacher reads. Love love love it. So funny and clever. Brilliant!

  8. Too observant about those selfies, Mrs H. Written with typical Mrs H humour and accuracy. Well done.

  9. Classic. Love your work Mrs Hyde.